During my lifetime (uh- my short lifetime ;) there have been a few things of this existence that I truly love(d) and looked forward to; enjoyed and relished in: Autumn... followed closely by Winter. I am not a Summer person- well, I didn't used to be. The heat and sun and warm air? Ugh. Glowing, perspiring and just down-right sweating? Hmmm. But I looked forward to the last two seasons of the year not simply because I detested the warm months- but because I simply and wholeheartedly appreciated the entire Fall experience.
The cool, crisp air; leaves changing and falling to the ground; rain, thunder, lightening! [LOL] I know- I'm probably in the minority on that one but I just couldn't help myself. Why to see the sky darken and the wind pick-up? Are you kidding? I was in Heaven! The entire time Autumn made itself known- I made myself known to Autumn. Lived in it and savored every raindrop of it.
Gosh- Winter wasn't as fulfilling- uh- hmmm- yeah; whatever- fulfilling as the Fall was but I had no issue with the cold or snow (since it was the opposite of the heat and sun of Summer time). I always felt and said [with conviction] that you can always pile the clothes on for winter but there is a limit to the clothes you can take off for summer... yes there is.
And then one day all of my fun and happy memories were altered. My excitement for the changing of the weather turned to apprehension. My love for the last months of the year became dread- even hate. What in the world happened to cause such a 380 degree turn-around you might ask? Oh. No one asked? So what- you're already here; you might as well listen.
It was the (lowering voice to a hushed whisper) horrible and life-altering experience of going through a prescription medication withdrawal. Uh-huh. More than once. But then that is part of a different entry. Feel free to read the gory details here, here or here! [wink]
But back to how THAT effected my feelings of love for this time of the year- the time we are now approaching. Have you ever been in a car crash or wreck? Or perhaps something similarly traumatic? And for a long time- maybe indefinitely- whenever you come to that place or a near miss; you experience that moment of the original mishap or tragedy...
My exposure to the falls and pits of going 'cold turkey' from prescription drugs took place during a dark, windy and rainy day during Fall. But try as I have- I cannot help but become anxious and apprehensive as soon as the season of my discontent approaches. Its sad and pathetic and weak- and I know it. Logically I know that just because the air feels the same as it did the day I crashed (either time- take your pick) that the same thing will [hopefully] not happen again- but my emotions seem to take over. I no longer wait with expectation for the leaves to turn color or the days to get shorter. I become irritable and edgy... how can you tell? [LOL] I'm not smiling!
Don't get me wrong; I'm not saying I'm giving up- only that we are entering in a part of the year that is now very difficult for me... and with all of the pushing and pressing and struggling to keep on keeping on; I see this as an added battle to my already constant waging war. Just say a pray for me in dealing with this; me and anyone- everyone else who shares a similar test/trial. We know- I know- that God is El Shaddai (the God who is more than enough) and somehow, some way we'll all make it through... and so I say Hooah!
Luv & Prayers,
Joy
Joy, you have come through so much in the last year. Not only have you set goals and reached them, but you have also encouraged so many others. Just remember that God has not brought you this far to drop you know. I wish I were there to give you a gentle giant hug, but since I can't, I am sending one through Jesus.
ReplyDeleteCarlene
Joy;
ReplyDeleteI agree with Carlene.
I love your blogs seeing how far you have come. So from a very hot and very very humid NE Fla. to my Christian sister
{{{{{{{{Very Gentle Feather Hugs}}}}}
to you. love & tons of feather hugs and prayers as always
Heidi
Hello, dear Joy. I love the beauty of Fall, especially in the NE but spring and summer are my favorites for the opposite reasons. I love to wear the least amount of clothes permissible and at the same time am cold natured. :) So if the humidity isn't terribly high I like the warm and hot weather, the flowers, school being out, birds singing, BEACH! LOL! But I understand your struggle and can pray. Father, I pray You would show Your face in some special ways this Fall and Winter. May Joy come to know You in a different, personal and special way so she can once again look forward to her favorite seasons. And as always I pray for her healing and strength, her peace and joy straight from Your heart to hers in Jesus' Name.
ReplyDeleteLove, Sheryl