I'm alive

It's called LIVING with chronic pain

Living. Not dying. Living. In every sense of the word. I'm alive. My mind is still here (no arguments please) and most of the time I have clarity of thought.

To be alive / to live or living [literally] means having life; being alive; not dead or lifeless; active or thriving; vigorous; strong: full of energy and spirit; having the quality of life.

[LOL] Validation- I am alive and living in the Midwest... proof via the dictionary! Although I have to admit that sometimes I wonder if I am- living that is. I mean does that fact that I'm not dead or lifeless really mean that I am living? Or just alive. Is there really a difference?

According to Webster I should see certain qualities or attributes if I am truly- living.

Let's see: active. Active? Uh- well... I'll say yes [with qualifiers]. Yes, in the sense that I am not immobile. There are still many things I can no longer do. Some things I can do- but for a limited time. Actually very few things (um, if anything) that are not limited. But the plus side is that I can do some things. Can. Do. (no... that wasn't an intentional hint to view my CAnDO blog [wink] it just happened!) But I can do somethings and that is what is important- right?

I can usually dress myself, bathe myself, feed myself, type, paint, game, cook. Sure- some of these are sporadic and some require help and 'some' can't be done if I'm having one of those really bad days, physically- but... I'm alive.

Hmmm. Thriving? After taking a quick assessment of my daily life over the last six months or so, I will say that I am THRIVING. Hooah! Ya' hear that Ye Ole Enemy of Health? Thriving. To prosper, grow, develop, flourish. Yup. Everyday? Uh, no-oh. But even a plant doesn't show progress every day. You put it in the ground; water it; the sun does its thing and little-by-little it grows. One day you look and its a tomato plant! [HA HA] You know I planted tomatoes not long ago. But one day its a flower or a vegetable or something. It grew, it flourished, its alive. I'm alive.

But I am thriving... just not all the time. But I'm looking for better days. No- I don't know when they'll come but God can do anything. I also admit / confess (purging again) that there are moments when I become so overwhelmed- that at times it's hard for me to remember that. That God can [and will] do anything; patience is a virtue. Guess that's why everyone needs support. Family, friends, church members, care-givers... someone to redirect the focus and lift us up when we are tired. Tired physically, mentally, emotionally- even spiritually. Just tired. Okay- enough of the fatigue talk. I'm sure I made my point. [wink]

And here we go: vigorous and strong. Uh, no. But wait- I'll check my dictionary again. Nope- no way I can twist, turn or change THAT definition [LOL]. So, okay- I'm not strong or vigorous... at the moment. But- my time's coming. Yours too.

Full of energy and spirit brings up many ideas and observations. You know- this might be hard for you to believe, but I do have a lot of energy. I'm full of energy- bustin' with it. Simply crammed full of freakin' energy! [LOL] Sorry- but I am. The thing is... my body doesn't let me show it. My body, mind and spirit have come to an impasse. But again, I am looking for the day when body, mind and spirit are once again in harmony.

So I guess my energy and spirit are invisible at the moment. Ha- just like my illness. Whatda' know! How many of you know you have energy inside... waiting and wanting to get out? Ideas, plans and projects filling your mind- but the body is not-in-tune with your mind's intentions and so they just pile up- waiting for their moment. But- regardless- you're alive... I'm alive.

Aaaannd- this brings us to the last characterization of live, alive and living. Quality of Life.

I am waaay familiar with this term... but not in reference to myself. My Dad- after he suffered several strokes, Quality of Life was a major concern, undertaking and goal where he was concerned. My Sis became quite inventive and resourceful when it came to this burden of love. Quality of Life is like an enigma. It means everything to everyone- yet that 'thing' is not of the same value, level, effectiveness or perception. Quality of Life. It is literally everywhere- honest. But now that is what makes the concept of QoL different than other forms care or presence of concern.

If you look up the information in a dictionary, encyclopedia or a search on using my fave tool "Google" then you'll most likely find the same info that I came across. Basically Quality of Life means you (and your loved-ones) have the right to expect (and receive) to live without your well-being and peace being compromised by other people, your environment OR chronic pain, illness, disease or depression. That regardless of the situation or state of ones affairs- that you, he, she, they- whoever- can [has the right] to anticipate / expect the best that is available to them under the circumstances. And you know what? If you are NOT experiencing the Quality of Life that you deserve... SPEAK UP- you're alive. If you're loved one is not receiving the QoL that is their right... SPEAK UP FOR THEM. They are alive.

But I digress: I do have a level of QoL that I pretty pleased with. What I can't do- we've figured how to compensate. If there is something I need- its worked out with me; for me. If its a day I must spend in bed or the majority in bed, then I'm good to go because my bed has been put together and set-up in a way that implements the most comfort possible and accommodates for my condition and levels of pain. The list goes on.

Does my Quality of Life compare to someone who is in peak shape and is an active athlete? Hardly. But in comparison- that athletes QoL is at peak and so is mine. I think the bottom line as far as Quality of Life goes (for me anyway... in my opinion); QoL makes you not cringe at the thought of another day- not dread seeing the sun come up; not turn the light out at night and feel that your day meant nothing- was nothing. It's what helps you to appreciate the desire of a new day; the gratitude at night after a day of life- in whatever fashion it was.

And I'm alive.

I am- live, alive and living! I am not life-less... and thank God- not dead. I guess I'm counting my blessings in that I am alive in every sense of the word and all that it stands for. You know, in working on this entry and thinking of the ways each definition relates to the rest- I've encouraged myself; uplifted myself and reminded myself that God is good... and can do anything, no matter the circumstances, sickness, illness, pain, depression or other problems the enemy can lay at your feet or heap at your door! Step over them... if you can. And if you can't step over them- then run over them with your wheelchair!

May you be encouraged as much as I have and more!

Luv & Prayers,
Joy